Bethenny Frankel Tells it how it “is”?

Hey guys, I just did a quick animation; at the risk of becoming a one trick pony I have done another one themed toward the Real Housewives from Bravo.  This time it’s the real Housewives of New York.  I did it quick after I saw this weeks episode (episode 3) and Bethenny was at the Learning Annex here in NY to “teach” people about weight management etc.  and whatever else is in those books she’s always hocking.

Bethanny Frankel Bravo's #1 Self-Promoter

Anyway, basically what they showed on TV was her bragging in a cutaway about how much she loves public speaking and how she’s in her element.  Then she proceeded to assume the podium tell everyone she’s nervous about “teaching” wanted to serve alcohol to relax everyone and the mood and then asked who came to sleep with her?

MY version of her "teaching" , Look BELOW

Talked about who she sleeps with and why.  And offered advice about diet that included people having more sex.  Then proceeded to label people as gay and further advised a man to freeze leftover from a large meal and potion them.  YES!  That’s what she is being paid to tell people.

Bethenny likes to talk about sex

Although i suppose on a show where Playboy MAGAZINE is called one of the most “famous books in the world” I should see this moment as enlightened.

So I whipped something up quick.

Andy Cohen and his Housewife Empire

Hi All,

I have been away a while but I have returned because I am finally making some progress with the animations I wanted to accompany this stuff.  So without further ado let me get to my topic.  Look I’m not pining away for classic Bravo to return with Opera and Kabuki theater but making it Andy Cohen TV is a little much.  Granted I used to enjoy the Twin Peaks reruns every night and the fact that Bravo never had commercials.  But, OK time moves on and I move with it.

Bravo is now all about obnoxious people.  Whether they be in real estate, PR, Fashion, hairdressing, high school or a “simple” housewife.

I speak of course about the Housewives of New York, Atlanta, New Jersey (yuck), and of course Orange County the one that started it all.  I must admit these shows for me a guilty pleasure, but the OC one which just ended has lost it’s luster.  The show used to center around 5 people that were all connected in some way, Jeanna lived next door to Vicki, they both knew Kimberly, Laurie worked with Vicki and Slade knew Jeanna and by proxy she knew Jo.

There ya go.  And every year they’d fight have nonsense and then move on to the reunion where they’d have to defend what they did when it was shown to them and every year people would watch that show and think to themselves.  “Man who is this idiot and why are they letting him host this?  He can’t even ask a follow up question.  What a tool.”

From my Watch What Happens Live parody; Watch it BELOW

We have since come to learn that host Andy Cohen was a Bravo executive and decided to put himself on that show.  All one would need to do is consult a message board for 3 minutes to see that was not such a bright decision.  But what happens instead?  Well of course power corrupts so Andy decided he needed a weekly live show to follow his produced shows because he needs ever more expose.  So he can sit there like the dirt poor man’s Dean Martin with the drink but none of the humor or charm.  He has Housewives on to discuss the show that just aired and takes calls from well wishers.  But he is clueless, has no idea how to highlight a  guest and gets visibly annoyed when a guest upstages him.  All the while scoffing down drinks hitting on male guests, making sure we all know he’s Jewish and gay, and doing goofy bits that don’t have any point and the housewife de jour usually doesn’t even understand how to play.

Having said that I must sum up this past season on the OC housewives, as simply kind of awkward.  Its lost its charm, they don’t know each other nor do they have real lives outside of the show and what they can get from it.  Let’s take a look:

Vicki:  She’s the worst of the bunch, she’s the only original cast member left and feels that entitles her to some sort of odd cell block respect and bowing down.  She’s also a serious Narcissist.  Everything she does and says is right and whatever anyone says around her that’s not praising her no matter what the topic is “insulting” to her and she will let you know, cry and storm off.  It must be about her 100% of the time, it must be flattering and she feels no need to reciprocate.  Usually, she’s just looking to hammer someone and feel superior in the way she feels she of course is.  She frightens me, narcissists are SCARY.  I have a relative that’s one so when i see her I just want to RUN AWAY and HIDE!

Vicki Gunvalson

Lynne:  Last year was Lynne’s first and she was a lil slow on the uptick but seemed harmless enough.  Well, this year we were shown eviction #3 and her two daughters one worse than the other.  Although I suppose if I had to deal with Alexa every day I’d probably wanna mentally check out too.  She also hocking chachki cuffs left and right.  Whatever.

Buy a Curtain Cuff, Alexa needs a car!

Tamra:  Came on the show clearly to start a new life.  She’s was feeling her way around and now this year set up her stringent husband.  By the time she was done with him you’d have thought he was Joel Rifkin.  She’s now a “free bitch” and waited about 3 whole weeks after becoming separated from her husband of 1o years Simon Barney to hook up with their mutual friend Eddie Judge.  She now claims to be in love, is having her Simon tatoo removed and has never been happier.  Not bad spend a decade married to someone have 3 kids and get over it inside of a month and already be in love again.  Only when reality TV becomes your reality I suppose.  Scary little girl.

Tamra Barney and her new man Eddie Judge

Gretchen:  The younger woman whose cancer stricken fiance died last year was back this year with Slade Smiley formerly Jo’s significant other since season one.  His spinoff show with Jo didn’t go anywhere and I guess they ran their Bravo course so he found his way back onto the show via Gretchen.  He was less annoying than he used to be, and I dunno I just don’t hate him like so many others do.  He seems to have been humbled some since early on.  But Gretchen is singing and buying music publishing now, so who the hell knows.  Gretchen stood up to Queen Vicki during the reunion in a  logical and concise way so that was good at least.

Thanks for the bike, the 1.5 mil & the woman bro!

Alexis & Jim:  Two poser Christians, he has a conviction for selling fake sports autographs and she’s a former Maxim hometown hottie.  They found each other, found “god” then stalked the OC – bought a car from Simon, a house from Jeanna (original cast member left this year) and went to Gretchen’s Gym.  All roads for them in their attempt to find their true god Andy Cohen, well mission accomplished.  They really bring nothing to the table other than boredom but Alexis does hate Vicki so she gets so likability there.

Alexis, Jim and one of his "great shirts"

That’s my take on that show, now its the time of the years for NY and the Countless, awesome fashion plate Simon and the other yentas’.

Here’s an animation for you all to check out, it’s my FIRST full sketch, give it a watch and see what you think, “watch what happens live” with the self entitled host and his band of Bravo biatches.  Stick with it as it has, Vicki, Akio Toyoda, Bethany Frankel, callers and even singing and dancing.  KEEP CHECKING MORE WILL FOLLOW ON ANY NUMBER OF TOPICS!!!!!!!!!

Today is special

I have been away, working hard on getting my skills up to par to get this site really hopping with animations and such, I’ll be back VERY soon better than ever believe it.

In the meantime today is December 7, the “day that shall live in infamy.”

In this Paris Hilton, Get Rich or die tryin’ America, remember today is the anniversary of when our country was attacked and entered World War II.  Remember, there was a time when America and yes even American’s actually had pride in their nation and themselves, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?  Remember, what happened that day, and also remember how great we used to be.

December 7, 1941

USS Arizona Memorial

New Dan Naturman Show podcast is up

This week – Dan weighs in on the Letterman brouhaha, our weekly news roundup and more!

Take it on your iPod listen at work, 24/7 and it’s FREE.

Do yourself a favor give it a whirl…

http://www.dannaturman.com/

(Show runs about 45 mins)

(BOTH WMA and Mp3 Formats)

Eric Mangini & the Browns, Biggest mess in the NFL

Yes, in a league where the Oakland Raiders start Jamarcus Russel with no real back-up there is a bigger disaster! That disaster is Eric “Mangenius” Mangini. What a moron, as was well documented in the blog before, this guy is consumed with, what players are taking water bottles, who parks in which parking spot and taping all TV announcers to see who is bashing him.

Here’s the point of this post, the Browns are 0-4 and the joke of the NFL, the NY Jets are 3-1 and a Cinderella story that gets alot of publicity and salutations. Why though? Well because of the Genius of course! First the Browns had the #5 pick in the NFL draft this past year, did they pick Mark Sanchez? Knowshon Moreno? No & no, well who did they pick? Nobody.  The genius with his “inside info.” on the Jets deals the pick to the Jets for the #17, #52 & , Kenyon Coleman, Brett Ratliff, and Abram Elam. A practice squad QB & two reserve’s then they deal #17 to Tampa for # 21 and they take Center Alex Mack and with the very next pick #22 the Vikings take Percy Harvin. So what did the “fleeced” Jets do with #5? Drafted Mark Sanchez, pumped life into the franchise and got MAJOR NFL media buzz! And jumped out to a 3-1 start.

Eric Mangini, step one of making the BROWNS better

His old players on the jets LOVE their new coach Rex Ryan, and are a free wheeling high flying aggressive team, winning games. Mangini, reigns down on his players for taking water bottles and parking in the wrong spots and revolving the Quarterbacks, and keeping it a secret from them, for “competitive advantage.” What a jackass.

As if that wasn’t bad enough what happens today? They trade former all pro WR Braylon Edwards, granted he wore out his Cleveland welcome, but a BIG part of why he is imploding and fighting with LeBron James’ posse etc. is because he hates the genius and wants OUT!  Yes, he is a HUGE baby that drops ALOT of passes, 100% granted.  Fine, if he had to go he had to go, so where does the potential #1 WR get traded there’s 31 choices, take a guess? You guessed it THE NY JETS!!! Hahah you can’t make this up, for #2 or 3 WR Chasi Stucky and LB Jason Trusnick, and two draft picks believed to be third- and fifth-rounders.  What if he can ressurect his career do you reaslly want it to be within the conference, to your old team that fired you, whom you’ve already given a franchise QB?

Jets get Braylon Edwards another step to make the BROWNS better

This guy is unbelievable, if getting fired from the Jets was his divorce, he has since given the “ex” a new stud to enjoy as well as a fancy car for him to drive around in. Teams have an identity on offense and win with the big 3 a QB, #1 WR & star RB. The 0-4 Browns have potentially given the NY Jets 2 out of the 3 in the last 6 months. Why you may ask? Because once again the “genius” thinks he’s Bill Bellichick, who would acquire draft picks for AGING, Eric, did you hear that listen I’ll write it again for AGING, coming up to a new contract expensive players! You idiot, not franchise QB’s and young WR’s (yes Braylon had to go, but to the Jets again?) for a batch of reserve players and low-ish draft picks.

Is that Kevin Federline? No, it's another fat idiot, this one is supposed to fix the Browns. Uh-o, how's that going? Well, the Jets are 3-1

At the very least where is your pride? With every Jet win & Cleveland loss the “genius” looks worse. I have said before it’s good for the league when Cleveland is good, great fans, good history, good playoff climate etc. But it’s 10 yrs and waiting, the shame of it is the old Browns, The Ravens are good every year.

Just fire this moron, he seems to still think he’s the Jets coach anyway.

Romeo Crennel, during "good times," they look anywhere near 10 game winners now?