WFAN Holds a conest; Get your own show for a year! BUT NOT FOR THIS GUY!

I’m a pretty avid listener of WFAN radio, as I really don’t watch that much TV especially in the day time and music gets old quick these days, political talk is all one sided, whichever side you’re on.  me I’m on neither so political talk isn’t my bag.  Sports talk is easy, it’s like bubble gum for the brain, and WFAN has been a part of the NY sports scene since I was a little jerk and I’ve grown up with it.

Which brings us to the WFAN Fantasy Phenom, win your own show contest.  The station along with sponsors, Conn. School or Broadcasting, and Buffalo Wild Wings food joint have teamed up to offer this position.  They promote it so frequently and so heavily I feel like I myself had auditioned even though I had ZERO intention of it, but the media is the massage as they say and I suppose it is as I did the inconceivable for me, I figured “WTF I’m going to go try out for this.”  After all I have worked in professional sports for years, am a fantasy football god of sorts and have logged more hrs. listening to that station that I’d ever want to admit to myself.

You could be the next Steve Sommers or Tony Paige!

They hold auditions twice a week, on Saturdays and NY metro area malls, and Wednesdays and metro area Buffalo Wild Wing Restaurants.  The Malls window is from 10:30 am – 12:30 pm and 100 people get selected to be interviewed and of those 100 about 24 will rant (I think that’s how the mall works).  I of course didn’t pick that because I cant be up for 10:30 let alone be down there at 7am or whatever it would take to get a good spot in line.  I chose the latter the Wild Wings location, it’s much smaller and only one person will make it through into the contest so there are draw backs, but its 7:30 pm and I think all I need is one shot anyway, so there ya go.

I drove out to Long Island, found this Wild Wings place around 5pm and there was a small group of people already waiting to be interviewed, i heard they started interviewing around 2:30pm off and on.  So I figured “ok well at least I’m early enough.”  I also thought since i was only about the 15th person on the line that I’d get interviewed relatively quickly, umm, NOPE two hours later I was still waiting, but I was ok with waiting because I knew what I was in for.

Decided to go from the big Coney to someplace called Babylon. I don't think Babylon is a fair name now that i have been there. Anyway way the F out on Long Island

The line was a collection of all types, by and large I must say they were a good group.  We had as you would expect many young 20 something guys looking for a career jump-start, plenty of 30 somethings looking for a career change, and a decent amount of 40+ somethings I suppose looking for something new.  Of course there were a few “famous” callers on hand like Rob from Lake Success decked out in his custom Star of David Jewish league hockey jersey, running around like a minor celebrity.  Other conversations on the line were the usual, sports trivia psych out sessions, and general I’m better than you without saying it grapplings.  What does that mean you wonder, I’ll give you random examples…

"I know more than you what are you even doing here" convo's (see below)

Person A: “I wonder if this is fair or fixed or what, I wasn’t going to come but I figured it’s close let me see”

Person B: “Yeah me to I was close”

Person A: “Radio is crazy, have you worked in radio?”

Person B: “nope”

Person A: (with a sly dismissive laugh) “I did for 8 yrs on Brooklyn College radio, I had a popular show and a good following”

Person B: “oh yeah, cool”

We all know what A was trying to do there, right?

Me, no me, no! ME, Umm no ME!

AND many many of these…

Person A: “they ask alot of trivia here, i hear it’s hard stuff”

Person B: “yeah i heard that too like who was the coach of the Giants SuperBowl losing team, you know Fossil”

A: “Nah i heard harder like how many doubles did Wally Backman have for the Mets in 1987?”

B: “Gees, that’s tough, who would even know that”

A: “6″

B: “oh yeah that’s good, i heard they ask what size shoe Joe Namath’s mom wore, it’s 8 by the way.”

Of course there was one line favorite that everyone got to know as time marched on, oh I’m sure every line has one.  The character that is just off, with his way of dressing, speaking, leaning in, harassing the only female on the line and asking the same question to everyone on the line, which of course has literally a TEN-part answer.  At first everyone thinks to themselves “ok I’ll be nice to him because he’s obviously weird and a loner and I’m going to be a good person” which lasts about 3 minutes before you realize “wait loners are loners because no-one can stand them!” And you pray he latches on to someone else and then when he does you’re both shamed and relieved it’s not you anymore.

This picture is from the bigger Mall tryout, and I kid you not the guy in the front shielding his eyes, is the 10 part answer guy! He goes to em all I guess.

So everyone, is chatting with whomever they are closest in proximity to on line & trying to avoid eye contact with others.  Assuming naturally, you’re going to be interviewed by someone even loosely affiliated with WFAN radio or it’s parent radio company.  Seems obvious, no?  Well, never think your idea of obvious is reality, such as the guy asking out the woman on line with a huge wedding ring.  Obvious I suppose is relative.

As it turns out the interviewers were Buffalo Wild Wings marketing people.  But the prize is a show on WFAN, should restaurant marketers really be the screeners in this scenario?  Of course none of us knew they were Wild Wings employees, until it was revealed though inside information later in the evening.

The screeners to decide who gets a WFAN Sunday 4:30am -6am shift

Three people alternated screening the contestants, one rocker looking fella who seemed nice enough, another guy who didn’t last long, and a woman who would much rather text then talk to these “wanna be losers” in front of her (my impression anyway).  So my turn draws near and I’m going to speak to the rocker guy and I’m thinking “OK cool he seems affable he gave the 10 part trivia question guy like 8 minutes so I can get across why I’m here” but fate steps in in the form of the Buffalo Wild Wings store manager.  At the exact moment I was due to sit,  she moves in and proceeds to have a convo. for 6 minutes as I wait.  Then rocker guy motions to the female texting screener and says “take over I have to go do something now.” At that moment all I could think was, “Oh sh*t this just went from 1% chance too 0.000001″

I sat down said hi and gave her my forms after she texted some more, she looked up and said “hi where’s your forms” i said right here and she took them and said “ok what teams do you like” I answered, she then shuffled some papers asked me three Mets questions, of which I got about 65% of the answers right.  She said “ok so why are you here” I gave a very brief explanation.  She glazed over me and said ok thanks we’re gonna sort piles and let the good people know.  So off i went to wait with the other interviewed lot.

"Umm, ok yeah, one sec., you like teams or something? Y are you here? Just one more sec"

Everyone was hoping they were in, even after they extended the interview deadline an extra half hour for late arrivers thus lessening the early birds’ chances.  As we sat, some ate, some looked around and tried to figure who got through on look or craziness alone, others got hostile, some exuded a quiet confidence of “i made it i know it.” Some made notes about the rant they were going to do.

Then the moment came the rocker guy announced the 24 people that qualified to rant in front of WFAN-talent Anita Marks and some big beard guy whose name I do not know.  As the names were announced the first couple were met with applause but with each passing name the applause became less and less until finally there were none.  At which point rocker marketer guy said “hey clap and support these people” or something, so some fake clapping then followed.

Then came the anger, all the chaps that weren’t picked despite their obvious brilliance complained, “it was the girl,” “I got a bad question,” “they want a certain type” one dejected young fella who was very much in love with himself and spent the day smiling and subliminally trying to convince everyone they should wish they were him, turned to the only woman amongst the auditoners, who mind you he’d been speaking so friendly to just moments earlier and charmingly said “you got through because you have tits, if I had tits I’d have gotten though too.” And then upon finding out her topic went on to charm her with “that topic sucks no-one in this room cares, here’s great topic” and of course handed her his notes and acted like he was doing her a huge favor.  Thankfully, she politely declined.  I am left to wonder why this silver tongued devil, didn’t say to the lone large black man in the room that qualified “It’s that black skin if I had that black skin I’d be though too.”

According to some Amy Reid and women like her are "built" for radio!

Oh humanity in all its splendor, well in case you didn’t figure it out, your Jerk hero (me) did not advance to round 2 and didn’t rant.  But i really wasn’t bitter at all.  Do I blame my screener?  Nope not really, her not caring probably didn’t make difference.  But why did I do it then you wonder?  Well, I just heard the ad so many times I figured Hmm, “I have the background, I know the material, i have the degree and even at 4am on that radio it’d be a way to get the Big Jerk Network out there.”  Thus maybe having more than 30 twitter followers and 40 watches on the animations after a month.  Gotta get the word out somewhere.

Another master plan for the scrap heap, right next to the hover board & Ralph Kramden’s Chef of the Future.  Learning once more, don’t be a dreamer and if you pass the police test TAKE THE JOB!!!!!

I seriously, have no problems at all with any of it though, I wish the best for those that made it through & I pray they find someone interesting because that station really is HURTING BAD for talent outside of Francesa & the Morning team.

Nonetheless, I shall go back to the grass roots, one animation view BigJerkNetwork and twitter follower @BigJerkNetwork at a time!

I wish they had these cutouts at the audition I attended, it would have been a real jolt like "WTF are you doing look at that staff, no promotion is worth that" I hope no small children passed these in the malls or nightmares will ensue.