I’m a pretty avid listener of WFAN radio, as I really don’t watch that much TV especially in the day time and music gets old quick these days, political talk is all one sided, whichever side you’re on. me I’m on neither so political talk isn’t my bag. Sports talk is easy, it’s like bubble gum for the brain, and WFAN has been a part of the NY sports scene since I was a little jerk and I’ve grown up with it.
Which brings us to the WFAN Fantasy Phenom, win your own show contest. The station along with sponsors, Conn. School or Broadcasting, and Buffalo Wild Wings food joint have teamed up to offer this position. They promote it so frequently and so heavily I feel like I myself had auditioned even though I had ZERO intention of it, but the media is the massage as they say and I suppose it is as I did the inconceivable for me, I figured “WTF I’m going to go try out for this.” After all I have worked in professional sports for years, am a fantasy football god of sorts and have logged more hrs. listening to that station that I’d ever want to admit to myself.
You could be the next Steve Sommers or Tony Paige!
They hold auditions twice a week, on Saturdays and NY metro area malls, and Wednesdays and metro area Buffalo Wild Wing Restaurants. The Malls window is from 10:30 am – 12:30 pm and 100 people get selected to be interviewed and of those 100 about 24 will rant (I think that’s how the mall works). I of course didn’t pick that because I cant be up for 10:30 let alone be down there at 7am or whatever it would take to get a good spot in line. I chose the latter the Wild Wings location, it’s much smaller and only one person will make it through into the contest so there are draw backs, but its 7:30 pm and I think all I need is one shot anyway, so there ya go.
I drove out to Long Island, found this Wild Wings place around 5pm and there was a small group of people already waiting to be interviewed, i heard they started interviewing around 2:30pm off and on. So I figured “ok well at least I’m early enough.” I also thought since i was only about the 15th person on the line that I’d get interviewed relatively quickly, umm, NOPE two hours later I was still waiting, but I was ok with waiting because I knew what I was in for.
Decided to go from the big Coney to someplace called Babylon. I don't think Babylon is a fair name now that i have been there. Anyway way the F out on Long Island
The line was a collection of all types, by and large I must say they were a good group. We had as you would expect many young 20 something guys looking for a career jump-start, plenty of 30 somethings looking for a career change, and a decent amount of 40+ somethings I suppose looking for something new. Of course there were a few “famous” callers on hand like Rob from Lake Success decked out in his custom Star of David Jewish league hockey jersey, running around like a minor celebrity. Other conversations on the line were the usual, sports trivia psych out sessions, and general I’m better than you without saying it grapplings. What does that mean you wonder, I’ll give you random examples…
"I know more than you what are you even doing here" convo's (see below)
Person A: “I wonder if this is fair or fixed or what, I wasn’t going to come but I figured it’s close let me see”
Person B: “Yeah me to I was close”
Person A: “Radio is crazy, have you worked in radio?”
Person B: “nope”
Person A: (with a sly dismissive laugh) “I did for 8 yrs on Brooklyn College radio, I had a popular show and a good following”
Person B: “oh yeah, cool”
We all know what A was trying to do there, right?
Me, no me, no! ME, Umm no ME!
AND many many of these…
Person A: “they ask alot of trivia here, i hear it’s hard stuff”
Person B: “yeah i heard that too like who was the coach of the Giants SuperBowl losing team, you know Fossil”
A: “Nah i heard harder like how many doubles did Wally Backman have for the Mets in 1987?”
B: “Gees, that’s tough, who would even know that”
A: “6″
B: “oh yeah that’s good, i heard they ask what size shoe Joe Namath’s mom wore, it’s 8 by the way.”
Of course there was one line favorite that everyone got to know as time marched on, oh I’m sure every line has one. The character that is just off, with his way of dressing, speaking, leaning in, harassing the only female on the line and asking the same question to everyone on the line, which of course has literally a TEN-part answer. At first everyone thinks to themselves “ok I’ll be nice to him because he’s obviously weird and a loner and I’m going to be a good person” which lasts about 3 minutes before you realize “wait loners are loners because no-one can stand them!” And you pray he latches on to someone else and then when he does you’re both shamed and relieved it’s not you anymore.
This picture is from the bigger Mall tryout, and I kid you not the guy in the front shielding his eyes, is the 10 part answer guy! He goes to em all I guess.
So everyone, is chatting with whomever they are closest in proximity to on line & trying to avoid eye contact with others. Assuming naturally, you’re going to be interviewed by someone even loosely affiliated with WFAN radio or it’s parent radio company. Seems obvious, no? Well, never think your idea of obvious is reality, such as the guy asking out the woman on line with a huge wedding ring. Obvious I suppose is relative.
As it turns out the interviewers were Buffalo Wild Wings marketing people. But the prize is a show on WFAN, should restaurant marketers really be the screeners in this scenario? Of course none of us knew they were Wild Wings employees, until it was revealed though inside information later in the evening.
The screeners to decide who gets a WFAN Sunday 4:30am -6am shift
Three people alternated screening the contestants, one rocker looking fella who seemed nice enough, another guy who didn’t last long, and a woman who would much rather text then talk to these “wanna be losers” in front of her (my impression anyway). So my turn draws near and I’m going to speak to the rocker guy and I’m thinking “OK cool he seems affable he gave the 10 part trivia question guy like 8 minutes so I can get across why I’m here” but fate steps in in the form of the Buffalo Wild Wings store manager. At the exact moment I was due to sit, she moves in and proceeds to have a convo. for 6 minutes as I wait. Then rocker guy motions to the female texting screener and says “take over I have to go do something now.” At that moment all I could think was, “Oh sh*t this just went from 1% chance too 0.000001″
I sat down said hi and gave her my forms after she texted some more, she looked up and said “hi where’s your forms” i said right here and she took them and said “ok what teams do you like” I answered, she then shuffled some papers asked me three Mets questions, of which I got about 65% of the answers right. She said “ok so why are you here” I gave a very brief explanation. She glazed over me and said ok thanks we’re gonna sort piles and let the good people know. So off i went to wait with the other interviewed lot.
"Umm, ok yeah, one sec., you like teams or something? Y are you here? Just one more sec"
Everyone was hoping they were in, even after they extended the interview deadline an extra half hour for late arrivers thus lessening the early birds’ chances. As we sat, some ate, some looked around and tried to figure who got through on look or craziness alone, others got hostile, some exuded a quiet confidence of “i made it i know it.” Some made notes about the rant they were going to do.
Then the moment came the rocker guy announced the 24 people that qualified to rant in front of WFAN-talent Anita Marks and some big beard guy whose name I do not know. As the names were announced the first couple were met with applause but with each passing name the applause became less and less until finally there were none. At which point rocker marketer guy said “hey clap and support these people” or something, so some fake clapping then followed.
Then came the anger, all the chaps that weren’t picked despite their obvious brilliance complained, “it was the girl,” “I got a bad question,” “they want a certain type” one dejected young fella who was very much in love with himself and spent the day smiling and subliminally trying to convince everyone they should wish they were him, turned to the only woman amongst the auditoners, who mind you he’d been speaking so friendly to just moments earlier and charmingly said “you got through because you have tits, if I had tits I’d have gotten though too.” And then upon finding out her topic went on to charm her with “that topic sucks no-one in this room cares, here’s great topic” and of course handed her his notes and acted like he was doing her a huge favor. Thankfully, she politely declined. I am left to wonder why this silver tongued devil, didn’t say to the lone large black man in the room that qualified “It’s that black skin if I had that black skin I’d be though too.”
According to some Amy Reid and women like her are "built" for radio!
Oh humanity in all its splendor, well in case you didn’t figure it out, your Jerk hero (me) did not advance to round 2 and didn’t rant. But i really wasn’t bitter at all. Do I blame my screener? Nope not really, her not caring probably didn’t make difference. But why did I do it then you wonder? Well, I just heard the ad so many times I figured Hmm, “I have the background, I know the material, i have the degree and even at 4am on that radio it’d be a way to get the Big Jerk Network out there.” Thus maybe having more than 30 twitter followers and 40 watches on the animations after a month. Gotta get the word out somewhere.
Another master plan for the scrap heap, right next to the hover board & Ralph Kramden’s Chef of the Future. Learning once more, don’t be a dreamer and if you pass the police test TAKE THE JOB!!!!!
I seriously, have no problems at all with any of it though, I wish the best for those that made it through & I pray they find someone interesting because that station really is HURTING BAD for talent outside of Francesa & the Morning team.
Nonetheless, I shall go back to the grass roots, one animation view BigJerkNetwork and twitter follower @BigJerkNetwork at a time!
I wish they had these cutouts at the audition I attended, it would have been a real jolt like "WTF are you doing look at that staff, no promotion is worth that" I hope no small children passed these in the malls or nightmares will ensue.
“Bill Gates” Lays it down to High Schoolers??
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your
self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
This may be one of those internet Hoaxes, I don’t know but it’s a good set of rules anyway, except for #11 often times nerds are just assholes.
The Swingers Room
It took a little longer than I wanted to finish but I did a little tribute to American Icon’s check forging, serial divorcer & fossil Larry King, motorcycle crashing bathroom lover, QB Ben Roethlisberger and everyone’s favorite horned up porn star humping golfer Eldrick “Tiger” Woods.
Special shout out to , Jada Fire, Aletta Ocean and Riley Evans for their “inspiration.
Follow on Twitter : http://twitter.com/BigJerkNetwork
More to come…
I actually liked Eyes Wide Shut, thought it was a cool premise and movie. But now I see this Laura Brannigan video from the 80′s called Self-Control and I realize that Kubrick was just drunk one night watching VH1 Classic and lifted the video for a movie idea.
Tom Cruise in the "Self Control" rip off movie
Lord Knows who as the original masked orgy-er
Don’t believe me?
Take a look for yourself
Yankees “NY” the Symbol for the wannabe?
Hmmm, that’s the question I pose here. What do I mean? I mean is the Yankees NY logo the easiest way to spot wannabe’s on the street and anywhere you go? Let me explain briefly why I say this.
The symbol of the poser?
You see New York is currently overrun with Johnny come-lately’s that come here trying to be part of this Hollywood created image of New York City. At the same time the New York Yankees have been spending into oblivion as MLB has no salary restrictions or rules so that’s their prerogative. The Yankees are also excellent marketers, they tilt the table to their advantage, then advertise themselves as the “ultimate winners.” Now, here’s what we have these elements combining into a filthy display of posers and fakers selling you, they are part of a fictional class. I’ll call it the “uber-NY’er” we’ve all met them the people from the Mid West that walk around NYC being rude and giving attitude with a Mid Western twang because they’re not on the farm anymore they’re “big city boys and girls now, daddy.”
Don’t believe me? Don’t think Hollywood has adopted the logo as a symbol of lame-i-tude? Let’s take a little look at some big fans…
Victoria Beckham, is a big fan? Posh Spice, it's right there in the name, i could rest my case here.
Tila Tequila, she can describe the infield fly rule.
Paris Hilton is REAL, never a mindless trend follower.
Scarlett Johanssen just wants to blend in with the people.
Ashley Tisdale, I'd comment but I'm not sure who that is.
I think the reason for all of this false bravado and imagery may be the Yankees themselves, for you see as any REAL New Yorker knows the Yankees aren’t really from here, nope much like their current legions they’re transplants and that insecurity may be why they must spend more than anyone, build a bigger stadium than anyone and keep telling you about all their titles. And we real NYers look and say, “good for you buddy.” You see the Yankees were born in Baltimore and are the original Baltimore Orioles.
The ORIGINAL Yankees logo when they were the Baltimore Orioles.
We all know the media pushes the Red Sox as the Yankees main rival and maybe they are but who is it that the Yankees and their fans are really always taking shots at and trying to belittle? The New York Mets is who, but why? This town’s big enough for the two of them. Why is because the Mets are truly New Yorkers, something the tainted Yankees know they can never be, no matter what they spend or how much they win, they’ll always just be that team that moved in. You see The Mets’ roots are true, through and through. They were born of native parents, the Bronx’s New York Giants and Brooklyn’s Dodgers, teams born and beloved by true New Yorkers back when that’s what New York was made of. And like all true New Yorkers with a parent from the Bronx and one from Brooklyn the Mets settled into Queens. Every-time the Yankees see the Mets hat they get angered because it’s mocking them and their tainted roots. As we all know the Mets hat (thier real hat) is the Dodgers blue with the Giants NY symbol.
The formula for a Native New York baseball club.
It’s hard to explain jealousy and the motivations that then follow. The Mets are happy with their cozy working man’s house in queens they don’t need a big tacky showy palace that’s in everyone’s face, that’s for the transplant show off’s. New York was always a National League town and amongst REAL New Yorkers always will be, just no need for all the flamboyance and bravado, “let them do what they do in their palace, we’re having a good time in our house.” That’s how the natives feel.
Let them have their Hollywood image…
Nick Jonas of Dallas, TX. Showing his "New York Soul" indeed.
Michael Moore of Flint, MI. The Yankees can have him gladly.
Canada's Justin Bieber. We salute you too buddy.
Hayden Christensen of Vancouver. The real Anakin Skywalker ghost from Jedi was a Dodgers fan.
John Mayer of Conn. Dictionary definition of Poser wanna-be douche.
Chance Crawford of Lubbock, TX. Gossip Girl and Yankee hats, Tre Trendy.
Here’s some more fun ones…
Hayden Planetarium. She's doing it with a littlevariation. Yeah you go for it girl. WTF? Next please
Puffy with a what's what of trendy 101, Yankee hat, Obama shirt & cardigan. You go Sean John.
Trendy Hollywood
Ben Affleck isn't he like the poster child for Boston? Maybe there is a context for this pic? Who knows but 1,000 words, ya' dig
Kelly Bensimon the craziest b@tch on all of reality TV. If you know who she is I need not even comment.
Jay-Z gets special tribute here because he is taking responsibility and claiming HE is the reason everyone is wearing Yankee hats. OK buddy, sure you are. He’s part OWNER of the NJ Nets but no-one wears Nets hats including HIM. That’s like if I start wearing Ray-Ban’s and take credit when I see other people in ‘em. Come back to us Jay.
The Al Gore of Yankee hats, Jay-Z wants all the credit. (see above)
How’d I find all these pictures? 5 seconds on Google. Celebs love to be trendy and love you to see them doing it. I looked long and hard for Mets themed celebs, the pickins’ were slim outside of 1st pitches at the game, because real NY’ers don’t need to advertise they just do what they do.
Jon Stewart, NYC, NY.
Kevin James- LI, NY.
Chris Rock - Bklyn, NY
Jerry Seinfeld LI, NY
Matt Dillon - New Rochelle, NY
Viggo Mortensen - NYC, NY. Couldn't find a picture of him in a Mets item, but i read he is a huge fan and wore a David Wright t-shirt to an interview and Viggo is awesome she he's the pic exception.
OK, well what have we learned? We have learned thanks to the media and the Hollywood machine combined with MLB’s no rules spending creiteria we have a little perfect storm. With all of that in mind i made a little animation. Give it a watch and maybe you’ll get a smile or two. If not, oh well maybe next time.
Excelsior
* Special Note: This isn’t really a bash of the Steinbrenner family, I have met Hal more than once and he’s always a true gentleman and I find him to be a truly fine human being (never met our star of the video Hank though, ha). It’s more of an indictment of the competitive balance of MLB. It’s just no fun this way.
Brooklyn Bing
Psycho Funhouse
Three Decades In Movie
